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Peyton The Crab Man spoke at our school assembly today. He’s a guy who has amassed a collection of various species of crabs and travels all over Delaware visiting schools and teaching kids about crabs. His van is painted like a crab and it says “Peyton The Crab Man: Teaching You About Crabs Since ‘98 (Call For Availability!)” and then listed his phone number. He brought a bunch of terrariums full of crabs. He pointed to individual ones and told us what kind of crab it was. Most were hermit crabs. Stacy asked Peyton if he names the crabs and he said “No, I don’t name the crabs. There are too many of them and most of them look a like, so it would be pointless.” Peyton said he grew up in a beach town and would play with the crabs that washed up on the shore. He knew at a young age that he wanted to spend the rest of his life studying the crab. “I am doing what I love,” Peyton The Crab Man told us, “And you should all do the same. You need to find it is what you love and become your Crab Man. Any one of you can become The Crab Man. Even you.” And he pointed to me.
After school I was walking through the parking lot and noticed Peyton The Crab Man talking on his cell phone. He was screaming into the phone at someone named Lisa. He said “Let me talk to him, you fucking bitch. He’s my son too… Put him on the fucking phone… Shut the fuck up and put him on the phone.” Peyton The Crab Man then noticed me watching him. He said “What the fuck are you looking at, you little brat?” before going inside his Crab Man van.
Is your mother sick, or it’s Mother’s Day and you’re in need of easy-to-access gift for little to no clams? Gallup poll shows the following items prove to be the most popular items consumed or used by mothers:
2. LARGE BASKET FOR PINE CONE AND LOG STORAGE
3. FUN GLUE
4. THE RETURN OF FIRST BORN SON FROM WAR
5. FOR HUSBAND TO PUT THE TOILET SEAT DOWN
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