Your web-browser is very outdated, and as such, this website may not display properly. Please consider upgrading to a modern, faster and more secure browser. Click here to do so.

Sep 20 '14

Peyton The Crab Man

Peyton The Crab Man spoke at our school assembly today. He’s a guy who has amassed a collection of various species of crabs and travels all over Delaware visiting schools and teaching kids about crabs. His van is painted like a crab and it says “Peyton The Crab Man: Teaching You About Crabs Since ‘98 (Call For Availability!)” and then listed his phone number. He brought a bunch of terrariums full of crabs. He pointed to individual ones and told us what kind of crab it was. Most were hermit crabs. Stacy asked Peyton if he names the crabs and he said “No, I don’t name the crabs. There are too many of them and most of them look a like, so it would be pointless.” Peyton said he grew up in a beach town and would play with the crabs that washed up on the shore. He knew at a young age that he wanted to spend the rest of his life studying the crab. “I am doing what I love,” Peyton The Crab Man told us, “And you should all do the same. You need to find it is what you love and become your Crab Man. Any one of you can become The Crab Man. Even you.” And he pointed to me.

After school I was walking through the parking lot and noticed Peyton The Crab Man talking on his cell phone. He was screaming into the phone at someone named Lisa. He said “Let me talk to him, you fucking bitch. He’s my son too… Put him on the fucking phone… Shut the fuck up and put him on the phone.” Peyton The Crab Man then noticed me watching him. He said “What the fuck are you looking at, you little brat?” before going inside his Crab Man van.

Jun 3 '14

ucbcomedy:

This video is up on UCB right now. Yes, you read that correctly. RIGHT NOW. Immerse yourself in the catcalling world of these mustachioed construction workers, and learn how ladies really want to be treated.

Check out this thought provoking sketch I co-wrote starring the ladies of Nephew!

May 17 '14
I am promoting this show ONE LAST TIME before I die. 

My sketch team Nephew is doing a best-of show at the UCB Theatre tonight in Los Angeles. We’re a house sketch group at the theatre and teams normally don’t have the opportunity to have a slot outside of a monthly Maude Night show. But we do! On a Saturday night, which is usually reserved for the Big Boys of Comedy! And we are that Big Boy tonight! So please buy a ticket and come out if you can. Everyone is so good and talented and it’s a really really funny show! And we’re paired with another Maude team, Bonafide, who are also so so great and full of some of my favorite comedians at the theatre. 

And Sara Rubin made this awesome poster for us!

So again, one last time! tonight:

http://losangeles.ucbtheatre.com/shows/view/3889

Nephew presents Barn Prom!
Saturday May 17th at 10pm
$10
With Bonafide’s Quantum Pam
UCB Theatre

Also does anyone look at my Tumblr? I have no idea!!!

I am promoting this show ONE LAST TIME before I die.

My sketch team Nephew is doing a best-of show at the UCB Theatre tonight in Los Angeles. We’re a house sketch group at the theatre and teams normally don’t have the opportunity to have a slot outside of a monthly Maude Night show. But we do! On a Saturday night, which is usually reserved for the Big Boys of Comedy! And we are that Big Boy tonight! So please buy a ticket and come out if you can. Everyone is so good and talented and it’s a really really funny show! And we’re paired with another Maude team, Bonafide, who are also so so great and full of some of my favorite comedians at the theatre.

And Sara Rubin made this awesome poster for us!

So again, one last time! tonight:

http://losangeles.ucbtheatre.com/shows/view/3889

Nephew presents Barn Prom!
Saturday May 17th at 10pm
$10
With Bonafide’s Quantum Pam
UCB Theatre

Also does anyone look at my Tumblr? I have no idea!!!
May 16 '14
May 12 '14
Nephew is doing a special “best-of” show full of our favorite sketches this Saturday May 17th at 10pm! It’s our very own show and first one outside of Maude Night! It’s really good and fun and weird! Please come!
Paired with Bonafide’s “Quantum Pam!”
Poster by Sara Rubin

Nephew is doing a special “best-of” show full of our favorite sketches this Saturday May 17th at 10pm! It’s our very own show and first one outside of Maude Night! It’s really good and fun and weird! Please come!

Paired with Bonafide’s “Quantum Pam!”

Poster by Sara Rubin

May 9 '14

Mother Day Gift Ideas

Is your mother sick, or it’s Mother’s Day and you’re in need of easy-to-access gift for little to no clams? Gallup poll shows the following items prove to be the most popular items consumed or used by mothers:

1. HAMMER

2. LARGE BASKET FOR PINE CONE AND LOG STORAGE

3. FUN GLUE

4. THE RETURN OF FIRST BORN SON FROM WAR

5. FOR HUSBAND TO PUT THE TOILET SEAT DOWN

May 9 '14
May 4 '14

garfbertcomic:

K. Thor Jensen is a writer and cartoonist and the author of the graphic novels Red Eye, Black Eye and the upcoming Cloud Stories. Follow @kthorjensen on Twitter.

I love Garfbert

Feb 6 '14
New Flavor

New Flavor

Jan 29 '14