Tips On How To Have A Perfect Valentine’s Day If Your Date Is A Sexy-Looking Mop

1. As you pick her up, tell her that this is the first Valentine’s Day you haven’t spent alone in a very long time. She understands. She’ll tell you a guy hasn’t made a pass on her in what seems like forever. You’re confused. How could they not? How are you lucky enough to be the first?
2. Decide ahead of time where you’d like to spend the evening. Maybe somewhere you’ve been before, a restaurant that you can introduce to her. That way, you can tell her things like “The house dressing is to die for!” or “The well-done steak is to die for!” She’ll be impressed, call you a man of taste.
3. Open the door for her as she gets in the car. Tell her she smells great. “Like soap” you’ll say. She’ll blush. “I don’t normally get all dolled up,” she’ll say. “But I want to make this night special. I wanna feel good.”
4. When you arrive, the hostess may act a little hard-nosed in letting you in. Don’t hold anything against her. Understand that she’s working on Valentine’s Day. You’re fortunate enough to have plans. Continue on ahead into the restaurant even if the hostess tells you to stop.
5. When the server comes to your table, order the endless basket of breadsticks as a meal. Two large men may grab you and hoist you away. Another one may grab her. “Get your fucking hands off of her!” you’ll shout. Everyone will have stopped eating. Why have their evenings gone undisturbed? Why is it always yours?
6. As you’re thrown to the curb, pick her up in your arms. Tell her you’re sorry, that all you wanted was just one normal Valentine’s Day. She’ll tell you that this is the most fun she’s had in ages. No one takes her out. Anything’s better than another night alone. You’ll pull her hair back.
7. And kiss her.